heehee ;)

This is just disregarding all my readers and onto mark

of course my blog is exaggerated. its a blog. not historical account of everything in history :P
and its called utter CRAP.
thats c-r-a-p, meaning not true.

second, u no why there r no buckteeth oh the santas? b/c our mother threw them out, as i said, as it wasnt 'appropriate.' haha didnt u see nanna nd dad nd evry1 looking for the clear white napkins? i seem to recall you throwing a tantrum at that time b/c you werent abe to capture ho-oh on ur pokemon game :P

and it was more than one game - record breaking wise. ur just annoyed coz u were trying for like 15 mins and could only get half his high score. so blah :k

nd i no mum isnt sure if i need crutches, thats why i dont have them.

i blog on the cuff mark, i dont write essays and do itmethodically, jus w/e pops into my head.

besides which only my friends read this nd half of them think its 'utter crap' anyw., which is why its CALLED utter crap.

hehe mark i think ur forgetting how long i've been debating for :P

but if ur that immasculinated by my blog, thats fine.

ill stoop blogging :)

and id ask u now but ur too busy chuicking a tantrum to dad about smth trivial, as per usual.

byee :)

EASTER

I have had a most interesting Easter.
To start off with, on Friday, I soaked vegetables in preparation for our annual Easter family gathering.
Do not underestimate this, soaking vegetables is amazingly fun.
I probably wasted too much water splashing people with said vegetables, but still. It’s especially fun when u leave them in a huge tub thingo (of water, obviously) and come back the day after and just gently poke it. It was like a tidal wave. Needless to say, my mother was not amused.
And that was Friday.

Saturday involved more ‘cooking’, but not of the soaking type. This was 100% more fun than soaking vegetables (I know it’s hard to believe, but bear with me).
I made...


... CAKES!
...Ok, my mother made it, I licked the bowl. But without my assistance I doubt things would have gone so smoothly.
Anyway after our (her) slaving away we (she) managed to make 6 different types of desserts J
And to be fair, I did do more than just lick the bowl. I was allowed to crack eggs b/c that’s so much fun, AND I kept Mark away from all the chocolate and stuff. So :k

Sunday was EASTER!
This was a day of revelations. For starters, I actually went to church. And I NEVER go to church. Then I came home and had to decorate the house in a festive manner. I was in charge of napkins.
I couldn’t find any napkins that weren’t leftovers from Christmas (a jolly Santa face).
So I used my initiative to make them more Easter-themed. This involved getting a permanent marker and drawing buckteeth on each of the Santa’s. My quick wit and clever thinking were not well received, and we were in the middle of a napkin crisis, as it would be improper to serve bucktooth Santa napkins.
We used old fashioned cloth napkins. I offered to demonstrate some more of my elegant artistic skills on them, but my mother kindly informed me my services were no longer needed.
(I may have sugar coated her speech)

I proceeded to take a well needed nap.

When I woke up the guests arrived. There was all that crap talking for about 1 hour until we ate, and after we ate we myself, Mark, Tim, and our cousins boyfriend (it’s not that hard, try to keep up) played a v. Violent game of soccer. And my cousins boyfriend is 21, remember. (I beat all his high scores on all his iPod apps. He was a-n-n-o-y-e-d, but it’s not my fault I’m naturally gifted).

While we were playing this violent game of soccer he ended up fracturing my foot.
Yes, a 21 year old MALE fractured MY (an innocent, fragile 14 year old girls) foot. And that’s at the least – haha mum said it could be broken. I could sue. But apparently he doesn’t have much money. So I’ll be generous....

For the time being.

Lol it didn’t even hurt when the bone snapped. (Or cracked. But it sounds better when I say snapped). So I didn’t think it was broken until the next morning when i attempted to walk and was like OH HOLY MOTHER OF GOD (:

So now I’m crippled. I cannot walk :)
And that is my Easter
I hope yours was as eventful and entertaining (although probably not as painful) as mine was (:

And now I’m looking forward to Garbo and movies starring Miley Cyrus (:P) on.. Wednesday and Caroline’s on Sunday.

And if you’re reading this and going to Garbo, you need to wait up while i hobble along behind you b/c I don’t get crutches until like Friday I think b/c my mum doesn’t want to buy them from anywhere other than her pharmacy, which she won’t be visiting till Friday or Saturday.


Toodles!

a section of my convo wif courtney which she requested i c+p

jane says:
omg shit
ppl r here
theyre gonna talk to me
shiiiiiiiiiit
headfone IN
courtney. says:
o.m.g.
people
whatever shall you do
jane says:
oh god
theyre talking about underwear
and theyre like 55
ARGH
OLD PPL UNDERWEAR
courtney. says:
bahahhaa
jane says:
omg imagesss noooooo
courtney. says:
haha poor poor jane
jane says:
T_T
courtney. says:
LOOL
jane says:
now theyre talking about crocs
whichis beta than udnerwear
but explaining their practicality and comfort levels
(oth r v. high, apparenlty)
courtney. says:
lool
jane says:
sm1 they now who they no who they know has swine flu, the poor soul
and theyre talking about the santa social andy asked me to
ahah
oot he phone
SALVATION
ohits for dad
courtney. says:
LOOL
jane says:
cordless fone, AWAY
courtney. says:
aww poor janeyy
jane says:
brb
courtney. says:
kk
jane says:
bac
theyr going to europe
do we want to take their fruit while theyre gone
god old pplr boring
wedont want ur goddam fruit
courtney. says:
bahahha
jane says:
oh, im sorry
apparently we do
courtney. says:
omg lol
this is quite hilarious
jane says:
now theyre talking about facebook
courtney. says:
haha
jane says:
and now theyre all worried coz the pommy aunt who left for eng awhile ago
hasnt emailed any1
courtney. says:
oh no
how terrible
maybe she died
jane says:
i no
wouldnt b so lucky
courtney. says:
lool
jane says:
they want to look at my cbk
GO AWAY
courtney. says:
haha
jane says:
oh for the love of god
we hav 2 fam holiday planned for the easter break
omg i dont want to go!
courtney. says:
haha sucked inn
jane says:
they all sleep in the arvos and we hav to just sit inside and do nothing
courtney. says:
lool sounds liek fun
jane says:
T_T
courtney. says:
XD whatt
jane says:
now theyre talking about how easy it is to catch salmon this time of yr down the coast
WHY DO THEY EVEN CARE
THEY DONT FISH
courtney. says:
haha
this is quite entertaining
you should write something like this on your blog
jane says:
ill c+p the convo
courtney. says:
haha
good idea
jane says:
now theyre exchanging money
for the meat purchases
coz we r not able to purchase our own meat, apparently, and instead must scam off of theirs
...much like we're taking their fruit
courtney. says:
haha
jane says:
smth about regulation 24
and safety
...3 dots on one head... thats all im concerned about... wtff
scripture?
courtney. says:
bahahahhaa
jane says:
my muj just sed coz it sed in the scripture
and then my uncle sed smth about no, i want to buy my own coke and u need ur dishwasher repaired
courtney. says:
hmm... thats er.. interesting
jane says:
and my mum is now demonstrating how our dishwasher is broken
and how our oven doesnt hav a seal
and no1 will do anytihng about it
and she desperately wants a... now it s afridge seal and a freezer seal
why do so many things have seals?
courtney. says:
lol what a tragity
i ahve no idea
why dont you ask the ppl who made them
jane says:
...for 5 minutes they hav been discussing if the seal brok on mondaym tuesday, wednesday, thurs, or friday, last wk or last mointh
what does it matter WHEN it broke?
courtney. says:
haha
well its VERY important
to old people
jane says:
and did u no that my auntie reckons that smwhere deep down freezers hav feelings and theyr efuse to work in these conditions. they hav gone on strike
coz of the weather
the heat
courtney. says:
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
BAHAHAHHAHA
jane says:
apparently freezers r unable to function in heat
courtney. says:
omg
jane says:
THATS WHY FREEZERS WERE INVENTED
courtney. says:
thats the most retarded thing iv ever heard
sighh old people and their antics
jane says:
noq theyre discussing whether their niece (some other guy) is actually a neice
or a nephew
....she's 21
i tihnk theyd no
courtney. says:
haha
jane says:
now its cricket
courtney. says:
hmm maybe he/she is a hermaphrodite?
jane says:
no its just a girl
courtney. says:
i see
jane says:
ball photos
i kenw that would come up
this is gonna take forever while they go through it
im gonna stop narrating it now
courtney. says:
haha
okie
if you like
jane says:
so
whats going on in ur house
courtney. says:
well my mum is speaking in a retarded french accent
and my dad told her it was attrochas
or however you spell it
jane says:
"isntshe the blonde girl? no she's red headed. lovely photos, a model, apparnetly. she's not very bright, wore black apparently oh I know her she used to ice skate.
omfggg
that was so funny
courtney. says:
lol
jane says:
not that
they wanted to know who she went wif
the ice skating model
courtney. says:
lol
jane says:
mum: "was it josh?"
auntie: "i dont think it was josh"
mum: " im pretty sure its josh"
"auntie: josh?"
mum: "yes, josh"
auntie: "josh.." "joish""josh""josh""josh:
*sigh*
now im stopping
they both just kept rpting the word josh for 5 minutes
courtney. says:
LOL
haha sounds quite interesting

Sarah's Sister's Awome Birthday Party :)

Today was awesome.
Me and Courtney crashed Sarah’s sisters (Georgia’s) 8 yr old birthday party @ the Melville aquatic centre. We invented Sarah’s boyfriend there. Ill explain that (and him ;) ) later.
May U just say, Sarah’s sister is hilarious. Seriously. When we first arrived she gave Courtney and I this glare thing, rolled her eyes and strutted off tot he pool. (Which I can semi understand, we crashed her birthday party)

When we caught up with her later I said “Happy birthday Georgia” (as one would) and she (again) strutted off, mimicking what i said. (Not very subtly, I might add). She was facing away from us but when she turned the corner she was making her hands talk and had this expression on her face. It was sooooo funny :P
Then we went to a vending machine so I could get a Mountain Dew. Which I thoroughly enjoyed.
Around this time was when we invented Sarah’s Boyfriend, **** ******** (I think I spelt it right :P)
Who I’ve censored b/c it’s actually someone @ CCC. But, in my opinion it could’ve been worse. ...I wanted her boyfriend to be Justin ;) But (this is to YOU Sarah) he’s not that bad. Funny, hot, smart, and sporty, is not eww. It is sexy.

Then we watched the 8 year olds jump on that inflatable thing all aquatic centres have. Where some guy gets paid to spray everyone wif a hose and all the kids jump down the slide at the end. Some of the boys had a v. Interesting view on how to play with the inflated sticks. Let’s just leave it at that. ;)

After that we went outside and played with a tyre. And shoosh. Playing with tyres is FUN. We kept throwing it and rolling it to see how fat it would go. And that was fun for awhile. Then I came up with a BRILLIANT idea, which involves holding the tyre wif one hand and spinning around as fast as you can, and when u reach maximum speed you just randomly let go. I went first, and pretty much almost decapitated Courtney. Courtney went and almost killed ME (karma) and my Mountain Dew :P And then Sarah went and hers like flew in the air and then just dropped. We all ducked for cover :P I went again and hit the metal bench which shook a lot and I sort of killed all the sand underneath it, so we figured we should stop. :D

Georgia promptly came up to me and said we were being silly at her birthday party. I haven’t been called silly in AGES. Retarded is the popular term, now :P Aaah, the innocence of childhood.
What happened after that.... We developed Sarah’s boyfriend a bit more. You see, they have gone out for about a year and there first date was when they went to see Twilight (which i disagree with, coz only a guy who isn’t completely straight would ASK a girl to go see Twilight with them. But my point was overturned, which I think is SILLY. You hear that? SILLY!

Then the ‘children’ came and ate. Then we went and ate. Then the parents went and ate. Then we just sat and ‘chatted’ ahah for awhile, talking about party games while the kids went crazy and played bowling with the tyre. (I know, right? I wanted to show them my trick, but apparently they could get concussed or something. I don’t know.) We investigated the statue named ‘Gentleman’ that was situated in the garden. And may I say, apart from the lack of boobs, I don’t think it’s a guy. It may just be a really flat chested girl, as I saw NO evidence of... manly parts. And I’m pretty sure Courtney and Sarah would agree with me, as we investigated pretty thoroughly. Anyway we were talking about part games like what’s the Time Mr Wolf, then progressed to Spin the Bottle, Truth or Dare, 7 Minute sin Heaven... Kiss Chasey.... all of which Ms English deemed inappropriate. I was rather gutted. ;) Then, amazingly Mrs English came up to us at that EXACT moment and asked if we wanted to play some games with the kids. I wanted to, but I don’t think she would have appreciated my creativity of making 8 year olds play Spin the bottles while throwing the tyre to determines who they would have to kiss. Again with the safety issue, and the fact that they’re 8. But w/e.

Then the cake was brought out. Nothing particularly interesting happened there, except this girl came up to this girl and said SHE wasn’t the birthday girl, and no WAY was she cool enough to be friends with GEORGIA, who was HER best friend, and NO ONE else’s. I swear to got we didn’t have that much attitude when we were 8. Childhood innocence my arse.

And, and, AND we got leftover lolly bags. We went home after helping clean up, though. Having a lot of fun blowing our balloons up (they came in the lolly bags) and letting them fly around the car. And pretending they were body parts. And making them squeak.
Don’t be fooled, I am actually 14, I wasn’t a guest. I think Courtney’s mum thought otherwise, but oh well. AND there were BUBBLES in the lolly bags. =D I am going to have so much fun with those.

Ahah, that’s pretty much it.
Toodles!

long time :)

It has come to my attention that I haven't updated in... months. (MICHELLE).
So I decided to take some valuable time out of my jam PACKED schedule to blog.
Although I actually have nothing to blog about.
And for the record, Michelle, the toaster revelation is interesting, despite what you say.
Umm idk what's really happened. We had a couple of PSL session lately which have been awesome, as I am apart of the best PSL team (Me Courtney & Caroline) and it's hilarious - except possibly when I told the that if they're bored doing drugs and having sex is a good way to pass the time.
And I stand by that, that's what people use them for.
And sometimes, suicide and reproducing. But w/e.

In the last couple of days (I think its actually weeks now) I have had the pleasure of MSN meeting Courtney's cousin, or as some of you may know him, The Almighty Sexy One. (Better if you don't ask). Not quote sure why I mentioned that, probably just as a way to annoy Courtney :P

I can't remember anything else I wanted to blog about...
haha if there's something you specifically want me to blog about tell me and I will :)

Until then, ta-ta (:

The Toaster Revelation

I have made a startling discovery.
About the invention that we call - the toaster.
For those of you incompetent people, a toaster is that gadget you use in order to turn soft, delicious bread into crunchy toast for a tasty snack.
And I have unlocked it's secret.
Some of you may wonder - what secret? It's a toaster.
Tha may be so, but you have not undergone the joy and stupendous emotions I have once uncoverng it's secret.
The secret of the toaster is...



The NUMBERS do not indicate the INTENSITY OF HEAT being put onto the toast. They indicate the AMOUNT OF MINUTES the toaster will cook the toast for.

Isn't that amazing? I never knew that.
Now that I have unlocked the secret of the toaster, my toast shall never be burnt again.
...As long as I time it right.

...goddamit

Well I just got back from what can only be described as a shopping 'expedition' with my mother and her mother, who is, coincidentally, my grandmother.

Anyway, we went into Clark Rubber for some reason, my mum wanted a really long roll of rubber to stop wind blowing through our garage (don't ask), so we trekked in there and she approached a guy who happens to be one of Tim's friends.

Here's what happened.

Nanna trots off to look at some pool thing, despite the obvious discrepancy that she does not in fact have a pool in her house, nor does she ever visit places with pools. But w/e.

Mum: Hello (name). Do you have any long pieces of rubber?
Guy: Yeah, we have quite a lot of rubbers. (Hence the name. He didn't acually say that, but I mean please. What else would they have there?)
Mum: (Gives measurements, then trots off to find my grandmother who has wandered off and we can no longer find her. She always does that, we need a tracking device when we take her shopping.)
Guy: Where's Tim?
Me: Home. Sleeping, probably.
Guy: Looks like you need a lot of rubber.
Me: Well, in this day and age everyone is in need of rubbers.
Guy: What are you planning to do with this rubber?
Me: Well, my original plan was to have good times with it. But I think mum wants to put it in the garage.
Guy: What a waste of rubbers.

Nanna saunters back, oblivious that my mother has been looking for her for about 5 minutes.)

Nanna: What are you talking about?
Guy: Practical uses of rubbers in the 21st century.
Nanna has puzzled expression.
Nanne: That's.. nice. Jane, go find your mother, she's gone off again. I swear I don't know who she gets it from.
(I am not joking. She is the most oblivious person I have ever met. Not to mention naive. You'd think she'd get the rubbers-condom reference seeing as she watches a lot of TV in her house. But I guess not).

I go off to find my mother, idiotically leaving the guy and my nanna to talk.
I find my mother, and bring her back to my nanna and the guy who are now at the till who are talking rather too enthusiastically.)

Nanna: ...I don't think she'd mind. You should ask her!
(Horrible, HORRIBLE realisation of what my nanna has done goes through my head as guy makes smoochy references)
Mum: Ask who what mum?
Nanna: I was just saying (name) should ask Jane to....
Guy: Whether she wanted a bag. (Indicates with more smoochy signals behind my mum and nanna's backs as she talks to my mother in whispered tones)
Me: No, no, no bag. We'll be going now.
I grab my mother and her mother, plus the insanely heavy rubber and leave. Guy winks. We drive off. I have an embolism.


And people say shopping is fun and an easy task =.="
I just hope to GOD he doesn't tell my brother or ANYONE ON THE PLANET about this, b/c I doubt he'll be as nice as I have been to censor my name.

Which reminds me,. Clark Rubber should really invent their own condom brand.